A New Beginning

A friend of mine started a blog yesterday and I thought to myself that it would be a very therapeutic activity for me to get involved in. You see, I am a trucker's wife. My husband is out on the road for weeks at a time, around 6 to be exact, and sometimes I feel like I am a single married person if that makes any sense.

When he started driving at the beginning of last year, I was distraught. I cried for days because I missed him so much. On top of that, I was used to him taking care of everything. He cooked, he cleaned, he stayed home with the kids being Mr. Mom and he did the laundry. Yes, girls, I know I was one lucky woman! While he was doing this I worked and paid all the bills; talk about your typical role reversal.

This all ended when he started driving the truck. I lost my job and still have yet to find something. The hardest thing was knowing that everything was in my hands, needless to say, we ended up losing our home and one of our cars. With me being unemployed and only relying on my husband's income at the time, we spiraled further and further down.

I didn't understand why everything was happening the way it was; my first inclination was the God just hated me and enjoyed watching me suffer in the rotten fruit being sent my way. Down inside I knew the answer to all of these questions I had, but I refused to think about it. I just wanted to blame God, society, my family and any one else who happened to cross my path.

Then one day, when I was at a pretty low point, I decided enough was enough. There had to be more than this; there had to be more to life than what I was experiencing and seeing. So I sat down and truly thought over what had occurred and was occurring in my day to day living. I thought about the decisions I had made that brought me to this place. I have always been a strong believer in self accountability and that we are the ones that hold the power over how we think, act, and feel. But what I didn't see was the connection between those thoughts and emotions and the occurrences in my daily life.

Have you ever noticed that when you wake up in the morning grumpy, that the rest of your day follows the same pattern? When we expect our day to be full of misery, it typically is. I love quantum physics and have read about string theory, and "quirky action at a distance" and quantum mechanics. Thinking in those terms of multiple dimensions of reality, I came to understand that I contributed in creating the reality in which I lived. All of the problems I faced, and the events that sprung up out of no where, came from my own negative thoughts and believing that I didn't deserve any better than that.

One day on my facebook page I posted a note regarding this and a good friend of mine, Gayle, had introduced me to a series of books, that not only solidified my own thinking, but brought new perspective to my cloudy vision. The first author was Dr. Wayne Dyer and his books concerning Manifest Your Destiny. This peaked my interest and I devoured it. The more I read into his theories the more of a connection I saw in the realm of quantum physics between our thoughts and the reality of our lives. I remembered that years ago I read a series of books called the Seth books. The first one Seth Speaks, The Eternal Validity of the Soul was written in the late 60's. I read it at the time because it dealt with the paranormal and I was really into that kind of thing at the time. After spending weeks soaking in every book I could find regarding Seth, I formed the foundation of where I am in my thoughts right now. But of course, like every other human being, life went on and these things were forgotten.

The second set of books Gayle introduced me too, of which I have not yet at this time begun to read, are the Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch. I did scour the website and read up on Neale. I find it to be very fascinating and I hope you do too. While on this expedition, I came across The Secret. I remember seeing this book in Barnes and Noble and it always caught my eye, but I usually kept walking keeping my focus on what I came to retrieve there.

All of these books point to the same theory. That we, and we alone, are in charge of our own destiny. That the Loving Spirit, call it God or whatever, resides within each of us and is not some esoteric being that lives in the sky. If we go to the Bible, this is reinforced through out, not only in the words of Jesus, but in the Book of Thomas (which was amazingly not included in the canonization of the Bible).

So, now that you have all of these facts and names, what does that have to do with anything? Well, in introducing you to them, you will come to understand my frame of mind as you read what I write. I have a story to tell, whether you want to hear it is up to you, but it will be told nonetheless.

Until next time......