Day 4 Part 2: A New Beginning

Well doesn't this just bite? IRS is screwing me again and is taking half my return trying to make it more difficult for us to get out on our own. It is how we react to these situations that define us. I know this. I still want to scream and throw this computer through the wall though. Sometimes we do what is right and it appears that we get nothing in return. Appearances can be deceiving though. As distraught as I am right now, I know I just have to keep going at it and not give up. It is hard.

The Universe handles the how of things...like the saying: God is in the details. You allow the loving spirit to handle it and just keep focused on the end result. That is what is hard for me, because of everything I have been taught growing up, that one must DO to succeed. You must have goals, a 5 year plan, a 10 year plan. The problem is life does not work that way. You can plan all you want, but the unexpected still occurs and can put you into a tail spin. You have to go with the flow and be flexible, sort of like making it up as you go along.

My dad would say that is flying by the seat of your pants and it will get you no where, you must work on those goals and those plans. I say we must live in the moment, because that is all we truly have. The past is gone, it is done with and never to return; the future doesn't exist. The only moment in time that is real, that is tangible is the moment we are in. That is all we can "control" and I say that loosely. If we make the most out of each moment, they will in of themselves create the future we desire.

So, that being said, where am I? Who am I? What am I doing? In this moment in time where I exist, where all things exist.

The answer is I am me, a part of the loving spirit that flows through everything. I am connected to the Universe and to everyone. We are all one and the same, traveling through existence on the physical plane doing what we need to do. I am a trucker's wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend to those I care about. I want to be in a home, not just a house to occupy. I want to share this home with my sons, my husband and my dogs. I want to be comfortable and not have to worry about where the money to pay the bills or buy the food is going to come from. I want to work, I want to help people. I want to be a part of something bigger than I am, even though in the truth of it I already am. I want to be healthy and happy, and I want my family to be healthy and happy.

To be specific, I want a six figure income doing what I love to do, and that is to write. I want to live in a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom house with a big kitchen and a huge master bathroom that sits on a large plot of land for my dogs. I want to have this be my home that I cherish. I want to be able to help other trucker wives who run into bad situations and cannot find their way out. I want to be able to show them the way, being an example myself of coming out of the darkness of the abyss that has swallowed me time and time again. I don't want to have a lot of recognition, I just want the good feelings that come from being in a position to help others, financially, emotionally and spiritually. I believe that in this life, the mark we leave behind upon the souls of others, is what truly enables us to live forever. I want this for me and for my family. This is who I am.

Until next time.....