These next few posts will actually be a summary of the events that have led me to where I am right now.
I have come to understand and believe something that most people might find offensive, out of line, and may even hate me for even thinking it, but I believe it to be true, heart and soul. That belief is, that the negative energy that we put out into the universe comes back to us in the form of negative events that happen in our lives. I have heard the comments "What about children? How can they be abused and hurt? Do they bring this upon themselves? How can you even think such a thing? What kind of person are you?" Well let me say that I am the first to admit that I don't know everything about how the universe operates, but I do know and understand that there are forces at work in our lives and until we open ourselves up to that loving spirit that resides in us all, we cannot even begin to contemplate why things happen the way they do.
I remember when I was back in High School and I became friends with a girl I had actually known for a long time, she and I became inseparable. Well, my other friends, led by one girl didn't like this at all. They believed that I was spending too much time with her and for whatever reason they had followed this one girl in her fight to make my life miserable. She came up to me one day and said they had had enough and that if "I was going to be this other girl's friend, they were not going to be mine." I was shocked. I couldn't believe they would say something like that; I mean we had been friends for a long time. I was not to be controlled or deterred by them though, and I said "Fine, So be it. Don't be my friend then." I walked away from them and never looked back.
Although I was angry, I tried my best never to say anything bad about her or demean her in anyway, and in time the other girls started coming back my way. You see, she badmouthed me all the time, ridiculing me and my friend to the point that my friend dropped out of high school because of them. I never retaliated, well, that is not true. I did one time when we put a dead possum and dead baby rabbits in her mailbox. That was wrong of me to do, but I was only 15 or 16 at the time. This girl became a person I no longer recognized; she bought her younger brother cigarettes and was mean hearted, in my opinion. I ended up moving to another state after high school and was told a few years later that she had a firework explode in her hand and it burnt half her face. Now I am not one to wish ill will on anyone, and I am truly pained this happened to her, but it is the perfect example of how what we put out in the universe we receive back into our reality.
There is a deeper meaning behind the sayings of:
"Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it"
"What we give, we receive"
"Do unto others as you would have done unto you"
While a lot of sayings have become cliche and have lost their true meaning and origin, other than that last one being the Golden Rule, a teaching of Jesus, the truth they hold is very clear.
I, like many people, have done things in my life that I am not proud of. But these events have shaped me and have taught me lessons in life I would not have learned otherwise. The first of which is, forgive yourself. Many of my own negative thoughts and beliefs that I am not worthy, I created in my own mind as a punishment for what I have done. If I did something bad, it was a direct reflection that I didn't deserve to have anything good in my life. This is a lie. A lie I told myself to explain why I constantly hit a brick wall. It fed into and justified my actions and my thoughts, creating a never-ending downward spiral.
In order to break that spiral, I had to step back and look at what I had done in my life and who it affected. Then I had to forgive myself. We are all divine creatures living a carnal existence, and the actions we take have purpose. Whether we believe that or understand it or not, doesn't matter, the end result is still the same. Our conscious mind doesn't always know what is going on; it likes to believe it does which is why we come up with all sorts of rationalizations for what we do, but the truth is our loving spirit is guiding us. We encounter (bring) difficulty in our lives not to "learn lessons or pass tests" but to grow, to evolve back into who we truly are. It is only through these adversities that we can have the ability to confront the illusions that surround our existence. If we are not ready to face that, we end up spiraling further down "the rabbit hole" until we are ready to shed the lies we have based our whole lives upon and truly live.
Until next time.....when I will start a project of living what I believe, living what I know to be true in my heart...
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