Every day I become more than I was the day before. Every day my internal eyes open a little wider to see the truth of my reality around me. I am at peace today.
The current reality surrounding me no longer serves me, there are things that I will change. For the longest time, I have struggled to understand what it is that I am supposed to do, why am I here, what is my purpose. My loving spirit has guided me, this I know, and has brought opportunities to me.Over the last year, I have felt lost and confused. I struggled against what I knew inside and what was expected of me by others. My thoughts became manifested, such as with the creation of "To the American Soldier" and "Trucker Wives Magazine" but then I became to invested in the outcome, or result, or these creations in the pursuit of the almighty dollar. With the expectations of others creeping down on me, I, spitefully, tossed these things aside claiming it had to be one way or the other.
I either had to pursue the ventures or silence my spirit and get a "normal" job, it had to be one way or the other. The truth is, it can be both ways. While I believed that I was called to create "To the American Soldier", what becomes of it is truly none of my concern. It is out there in the Universe and that will suffice. It is there for people to enjoy if they choose to do so, if not, the joy of creating it still exists. The same can be said of "Trucker Wives Magazine". While many people follow it, the fact that they do no longer concerns me, just as it doesn't concern me if anyone follows this blog.
I have something to say and I say it. Whether people acknowledge what I am saying is of no concern. I enjoy what I do, and that is enough.
I have been learning, or should I say remembering, a lot about the origin of my thoughts; where they come from and what they are doing. It explains a lot about where I am on this path back to the eternal light. It amazes me sometimes when I think about how many times I have come to this point and then have turned around and walked away. When I read the Seth books when I was in my early 20s, then the Peaceful Warrior books in my 30's, and now here I am in my 40s and back to it again reading Dr. Wayne Dyer and Neale Donald Walsch. All of these texts referred to the same thing, that we create our own reality. I am fascinated by Quantum Physics which eludes to the same thing. I always come back to it time and time again. That says something.
While my entire life I have always questioned the foundation of religion, I have never questioned the existence of God. I have, however, questioned the general perception of God. I never believed he was an esoteric being floating up in the heaven with his lightening bolt just waiting for the person who defied him so he could smite them. That never made any sense to me. What did make sense was that God, the loving spirit, existed in all things and that we were all connected to one another, all being a part of that same loving spirit. That rang with truth to me.
I never believed in the concept of heaven and hell as it was being taught. I thought that we were souls, spirits, life energy, that were trapped on this planet because we forgot who were were. In a sense that is true, but the purposeful forgetting I never thought of, but why else would we forget? I always felt as if the world around me was an illusion, a dream, conjured by my mind; in fact it is conjured by the minds of us all, which leads us as incarnate humans to think that we have no control over any of it, even though we do our part to help create it.
The books I am reading now so closely correlate with my own feelings about my own existence that they can't help but draw me in closer to those beliefs and solidify the truth as I see it in my heart. Looking back through time, I see it so perfectly clear, where before there was doubt. I am now and forever will be a part of something truly wonderful, just as we all are. I suppose if we all remembered who we were, the purpose of this whole exercise of incarnate existence would come to an end. We would know ourselves and the job would be done.
It is so simple and so fantastically wonderful and glorious, I almost seem impatient just to be done with it. But I am not ready to return back to whence I came, not yet. There are still some things I am going to experience. The joy of life with no struggle, no worries, the feeling of what it is like to know that the money will always be there and that food will always be on the table and gas in the vehicle. To feel the joy of seeing my grandchildren grown into fine adults and knowing that I partook indirectly in their creation. To see my own creations, my children, flourish even in the midst of their own struggles. To see the wonders of this planet and realize the love from which it was created. So many things to experience...so many joys..I am going to experience them all.
I find that when I take a step back and realize the truth of why I even exist that I become hungry to experience everything. I know that through my lifetimes that I have experienced much and even though I don't recall them here and now, the results of those experiences have created me as I am. I know that my "journey" is almost complete, I do not have that much further to go. I think several, maybe 10 or so, more lifetimes ought to do it.
On a lighter note, I am waiting for the realtor to call back about the house, and still waiting for an interview for a job. I am done with eternal waiting. I am ready now and thankful for the opportunities that are coming my way.
Until next time.....
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